Dear George

George Clooney
Movie Star
Smokehouse Pictures
Villa Oleandra, Laglio, Lake Como
or Somewhere swanky Hollywood, CA

Dear George;(If possible address your letter to a specific individual)

(State position applied for)
I am a highly motivated (not really) single woman with more than 40 years of practical experience in the field of singledom. In addition to exceptional dating expertise (by exceptional I mean I've been at it an exceptionally long time), I'm acknowledged for being resourceful (taught my dog to ring a bell when she needs to go pee), adaptable (look at me, I'm old and writing a blog – okay, it's not on Tumblr so my adaptive skill do have limits) and self-directed (sometimes I need a strong hand, but we can agree on a safe word before things get too far) with the ability to handle challenging situations (tonight I had to choose between a chilled white wine or a beer to accompany my tacos) as a result of well-developed communication skills (big lungs, wink wink) and organizational capabilities (I never mix up my forks and spoon in the cutlery drawer).

(Sell yourself )
Recognised as a competent old maid who knows how to develop and maintain working relationships with exs, friend's partners (Not to brag, but I have met your friend Richard Kind. He was looking for a book on Steven Sodheim. I helped him find it.), and other dog park attendees, I am also a hands-on manager (I can cure hiccups and hypnotise chickens with the laying of said hands), and critical thinker (not be confused with being critical which I get from my dad, but I'm working on it), who can quickly learn new systems, develop expertise (I can throw the dog's ball across the park and it rarely ever bounces into the bushes) and produce significant contributions (this one is just resume padding, mostly I like to hang out and read books). To that end, I am now seeking to align my experience and my skills with a someone looking for talented spinster that knows how to deliver outstanding beau monde.

My resume is available upon request. Some of the key strengths I offer include:.

tested experience in a variety of settings with the ability to put people at ease (this generally includes alcohol), make them comfortable when they are feeling anxious (perhaps a nice chilled limoncello) and elicit cooperation from people under less than ideal circumstances (I've gone on many holidays with my extended family and I have yet to murder anyone, although this often includes alcohol as well).
the experience (I have up to 15 years more experience than the last person to hold this position) to remain highly focused (as long as I have my contacts in, otherwise things are a bit blurry) and self-possessed (while I don't believe in ghosts and the third eye many people believe… come to think of that's a different possessed, never mind) in a fast paced high stress environment (although I have been know to stress eat…)
exceptional managerial (some would say bossy), interpersonal (not everyone would have noticed the sadness in your eyes as you and your friends Cindy and Rande made your way to the Venice film festival, being a third wheel can be difficult), and communication (my dog speaks Portuguese, Spanish and English and she learned all that from me) skills.
(Request an interview)
I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications more extensively in an interview. Of course you may contact me directly at any time. Thank you for your consideration.

Treena (& Kootenay, my dog comes with the package)